Fear

i fear wakeboarding until i tried it. love to conquer my fear.

Just a thought of you and my confidence dies.  It’s like holding a candle in pitch darkness and a sudden breath takes away its glow.  Doomed.  I have to rely on my other senses to see beyond.  But, what other senses am I talking about when you already seized my sanity? Am really doomed!

Right! You succeeded in deceiving my credence. Not only that, you had built an enormous pedestal where I can’t even look at my neighbors. I knew it!  You want me to be alone and pity myself.   Not contented with your torture, you even contained me in a vacuum where no sanity goes in or out. You really captured me!  You won!

But, I say, its when I’m losing that I’m actually winning.  The longer I succumb in your captivity, the more resilient I become, for, I always find paramount enthusiasm in every fall.  Bring it on!  You had captured my sanity but not my feelings.  I may not think sensibly now, but, you know, I can feel your every plot and when I can feel it, I will know how to avoid it, basic as the human instinct.  You guess it right; I will use my feelings to free my sanity. 

Prepare. I may beat you in just a second.

My Mighty Sword

sometimes you have to see from afar in order to see the whole

Bowed my head, closed my eyes, as I savored my last stand

I recognize your victory and it has been done

Yeah, right! Sometimes the stars concede from the mighty power of the dark clouds roaming the skies hunting those who yearn for shades.

Thus, as my hand retire from swinging swords

As I take my last glance from its gleaming blade,

As I rest my sword into its scabbard,

As I decide to hang it on the wall,

I will forever reminisce where I fall

For that’s where I’ll stand and unleash my sword again.

My Heart is like Judas

my bro denjo, my cousin berna and me goofing around on new year’s eve (2009) ?? we are the PUPPET, the QUEEN, and the DEVILish ..hehehe

I have a wicked heart. It knows no mercy and ruthless is its language. It shows no compassion and is selfish in every beat.  Everybody despise it, everybody wants to spit on it and I love it.  Weird!

Like Judas, my heart had betrayed another heart a lot of times. Believe it or not, each betrayal is a relief.  A liberation from the countless moments of silence and long pause of wasted superfluous episodes.  Call me irrational but every betrayal is the first step I take in order for me to dig up someone better.  For, in order to eat a nut, you have to get dirty, have a firm hand to smash its shell and get hurt afterwards.

I love money as much as Judas does.  It keeps me alive and sustains my yearning so I developed my addiction to it. Who doesn’t want money? Judas betrayed Jesus for money, right?  Everybody loves money!  But you know, money for me is not the thirty (30) pieces of silver that Judas received when he traded Jesus, it is HAPPINESS. So, you all agree with me that money really grows on trees. And, you all agree with me that you too, love money as much as Judas does. hehehe.

Sometimes, I take the risk of jumping into a relationship one after another even though I know from experience that its not going to work.  My instinct dictates me take precautions, my heart says, go on.  Despite me being warned, I still choose to let things happen as they are in order to maintain my equilibrium, for I believe that in order for me to taste the sweetness of a sugar, I let nature takes its course and let the sugar cane grow, nurture it until its ripe for a harvest, grind it to get its sap, process it to make it a sugar. But, agree with me when I say that the sweetest sugar are the ones that withstand the test of time, that no pests succeeded in spoiling its shaft and no ants had killed its roots. For, there  are no better feelings on earth than to stand in the middle of a storm and no amount of flurry can sway a single strand of my hair.

Even Jesus knew that Judas will betray him, the Gospels suggest that Jesus foresaw (John 6:64, Matthew 26:25) and allowed Judas’s betrayal (John 13:27–28). Like a cactus that chooses to grow in an arid dessert where water is as precious as a diamond or a tiger which opt to hunt alone in the dark with those sharp claws and ferocious teeth, the anticipated unfortunate things sometimes serve as a key to open a new beginning better than those we closed behind. 

So when I say, my heart is like Judas, don’t get me wrong but instead, love the wickedness of my heart for you to know its goodness, endure its cruelty in order for you to appreciate its mercy, accept its heartlessness in order for you to see my compassion, know its selfishness in order for you to understand it, and allow its WEIRDNESS for it makes me UNIQUE.

Eternal Feet

I am living in a long dusty road. My backpack is my life, my feet is my ride.  The trees are my friends and the stones are my foes.  

I sweat in gallons. I bleed like a butchered pig but I wear a smile in every step. I may not have a herd or a pack to rely on, but, I have all the greeneries’ sincere shadows shielding me from the piercing heat.

Like an in-flight airplane’s wings that never stop spinning in order to maintain its balance in the air, my tired feet never complain from the journey it’s walking. Every step, every tumble, a lesson is learned.

Navigating a traveled road is effortless but an off-road trek is challenging for everyone needs a shoreline to find home.  I know everyone wants to be home, I, too, want to be home, a home where my heart can freely live and my mind can enjoy its peace. Who in his right mind would swap that? Nahh..

I don’t want to brag but, I don’t need a code or a sign that will guide me to the route where my life desires, for,  as long as the tree branches dance with the wind, and the gentle shrubs brush my feet,  magical whispers from heaven point me to where my heart should be heading.

I am an impulsive traveler. No maps, no compass, just my guts. I love surprises and I am tolerant with the unforgiving terrain. Trees may tumble and die, bushes may change into a barren land with no life and oasis may dry-up, but I would remain on my feet waiting for the rain to pour to feed again the Earth’s glory.

Yes! I have eternal feet. Roads may be wiped-out and the earth may finally accede to the invading ocean but the essence of my feet will never be erased, for, my footprints will remain as a scar on the Earth’s face. Yes! A scar of remembering.

 

Dominique Jillian Ang

Today I had a blast meeting my new daughter, DOMINIQUE JILLIAN ANG. Opppssss … before her parents violent reaction to my first statement, I further say, she is my daughter not by birth but by vested right

and meet her pretty Godmothers

Sightseeing in Klondeyks

dried vines used for tying

wild mushroom growing under the sun

ripples and playing mosquitoes

balance

worn out stepping stones

all tangled

penetrating lights

balance

I am officially 32

arghhh… been saving a post I made earlier this month for this day BUT … I don’t know what came to me that suddenly, i  don’t want to post it. 

Ok what did I do on my special day? 

Last night I was setting my mind to wake up early and jog at my usual route. Yes, I was awake as early as 6 am but then I was too lazy to get up and I want to linger my warm sheets longer that when I decided to rise it’s already 8am. Beat that laziness.. hahaha…

So what did I really do on my special day ?

I hit the gym to be with my favorite instructor, Sir Jimmy, and be in my favorite class, FIT AND TONE with my cousin Faith.  

Then, we checked Mines View Park and ate roasted dried squid. Bought some goodies and walked to Botanical Garden for some clicks.  I was surprise to see our Botanical Garden improving.   Love the different themes they’re building there. For sure, it will attract more tourists in the City.

And then, we checked Hunters Bar, oppsss not to get some drinks but to see their dried animals lurking in their sala.   It was my second time to go there but still amazed with all the animals hanging on their wall.  But somehow, i feel pity for they have to die in order to amazed my eyes? arggghhh.. 

the friendship pagoda

pushing the totem pole ?

hmmnnnn tired and tired ???? and tired ? hahaha

reminds of our heroes

the mansion gate

view from Mines View Park

 ow wait.. here is my unfinished post about who i wanna be at 32

I wanna be like a WATER. Flexible yet it can be contained. It can smoothen rutted rocks and could carve new pathways. Adaptive to the changing world.

I wanna be like a TREE. Strong and firm. Shady and alive. It knows no discrimination and yes non-judgmental for it even provides shades for those who wants to cut its trunk.

I wanna be like a LION. The master of stealth and strategy. A patient hunter with a ferocious canine.  Born to kill but contented in every prey.

I wanna be someone else’ KRYPTONITE so that I could melt a strong heart.  Persuade others to think like me  *In my dreams. 

I wanna be like a KEY to open hearts dimmed with hatred and greed. Release those impurities and contain them in a vacuum and kick them like an ass.

But I don’t wanna be someone else for I don’t wanna loss my identity. For, there will be only one ME on this earth