my bro denjo, my cousin berna and me goofing around on new year’s eve (2009) ?? we are the PUPPET, the QUEEN, and the DEVILish ..hehehe
I have a wicked heart. It knows no mercy and ruthless is its language. It shows no compassion and is selfish in every beat. Everybody despise it, everybody wants to spit on it and I love it. Weird!
Like Judas, my heart had betrayed another heart a lot of times. Believe it or not, each betrayal is a relief. A liberation from the countless moments of silence and long pause of wasted superfluous episodes. Call me irrational but every betrayal is the first step I take in order for me to dig up someone better. For, in order to eat a nut, you have to get dirty, have a firm hand to smash its shell and get hurt afterwards.
I love money as much as Judas does. It keeps me alive and sustains my yearning so I developed my addiction to it. Who doesn’t want money? Judas betrayed Jesus for money, right? Everybody loves money! But you know, money for me is not the thirty (30) pieces of silver that Judas received when he traded Jesus, it is HAPPINESS. So, you all agree with me that money really grows on trees. And, you all agree with me that you too, love money as much as Judas does. hehehe.
Sometimes, I take the risk of jumping into a relationship one after another even though I know from experience that its not going to work. My instinct dictates me take precautions, my heart says, go on. Despite me being warned, I still choose to let things happen as they are in order to maintain my equilibrium, for I believe that in order for me to taste the sweetness of a sugar, I let nature takes its course and let the sugar cane grow, nurture it until its ripe for a harvest, grind it to get its sap, process it to make it a sugar. But, agree with me when I say that the sweetest sugar are the ones that withstand the test of time, that no pests succeeded in spoiling its shaft and no ants had killed its roots. For, there are no better feelings on earth than to stand in the middle of a storm and no amount of flurry can sway a single strand of my hair.
Even Jesus knew that Judas will betray him, the Gospels suggest that Jesus foresaw (John 6:64, Matthew 26:25) and allowed Judas’s betrayal (John 13:27–28). Like a cactus that chooses to grow in an arid dessert where water is as precious as a diamond or a tiger which opt to hunt alone in the dark with those sharp claws and ferocious teeth, the anticipated unfortunate things sometimes serve as a key to open a new beginning better than those we closed behind.
So when I say, my heart is like Judas, don’t get me wrong but instead, love the wickedness of my heart for you to know its goodness, endure its cruelty in order for you to appreciate its mercy, accept its heartlessness in order for you to see my compassion, know its selfishness in order for you to understand it, and allow its WEIRDNESS for it makes me UNIQUE.